hehe....I win

I got my lab moved to Thursdays. *grins* And its smaller too, since they did end up spliting it up. I love it when things work out the way I want.

Anyway, there's not a whole lot of news. I went home for the weekend, saw Steven *grins*, and went to the Crawford Co. fair. Unfortuantly it rained, but we still had a pretty good time. Lots of horses were petted, fair food, all that good stuff. And my sweetie got Best of Show for the Photography contest. To think the silly boy didn't think he was going to get anything. But I knew better, because he's awesome. *proud look*

Well, thats all I've got. Till next time.

TA ranting

So my TA (teaching assistantship, i.e. what I get paid for) assignment for the semester is to TA the Ecology lab. I didn't take this as a big deal since I TAed an ecology class at Allegheny. I figured I'd be doing what I did there: set up, help out, answer questions, and grade lab reports while the prof ran the show. Not so much. Apparently now, I am THE teacher for this lab. Just me and 23 undergrads. This morning I was handed a lab workbook and told "have fun." I've been thrown to the wolves, except I'd rather deal with a pack of wolves at this point. I have never done anything remotely like this before and I'm experiencing that "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit" panicked feeling in my chest. I don't like being forced out of my low profile. The worst part is going to be the first class, er....lab, because I have to give a 3 hour introductory lecture. *shudders* I have till Tuesday to prepare, and I'm going home this weekend. That leaves the rest of today and Monday. And I don't even want to be a freak'n teacher. If I can just make it through this Tuesday, everything else should be easier since those days are all actual labs where we do field work and experiments and such. I can handle that. Its more on my level. We'll see how things go.

To make matters even worse, I realized that this TA business is even worse than having a class. If I want to go on a trip or something, I can't simply take off and skip the class. I'm the freak'n teacher. This has really put a huge damper on my "free" semester.

*Scowls*

What a morning.....

This morning may have been the epitome of a bad morning. I was snoozing soundly, having some neutral dream that I can't really recall when I heard a huge crash. I was laying in bed, on the edge of consciousness trying to decipher whether the crash came from my dream or real life when Radar came tearing into the bedroom, jumped up on the bed and sat down beside me in a panicked "oh shit oh shit...I didn't do it" sort of way. I groaned and asked, "What did you do?" as I lazily rolled out of bed. I half tip-toed, half stumbled out of the bedroom, peering around for the source of the crash while trying to think of what could possibly make such a sound. And then I saw it. I had previously had a large wine bottle filled with polished pebbles holding a bouquet of dried rushes sitting on the entryway "key stand." Well...No longer. Shattered glass and pebbles were EVERYWHERE. "You've got to be *BLEEP* ing kidding me." The addition of the pebbles seemed to cause the bottle to simply explode on impact. I was not happy. Waking me up at 4 am is bad enough, waking me up at 4 am to clean up shattered glass that used to be something I really liked really does not bode well for anyone unfortunate enough to be in the same household as me. Radar was smart enough to stay well out of my way during this time. I cleaned up the glass and pebbles as best I could with a broom and dustpan. Running the vacuum during the wee hours of the morning surely wouldn't make my neighbors happy. I'm sure they all heard the crash. Eventually I said good enough, I'll finish in the morning and returned to bed.

For some reason probably relating to my previous dream, when I went back to bed and rolled over to the other side, I thought I was in France, and I believe I spoke a little French to Radar. Don't ask. I really don't know.

Anyway, after the alarm went off (and I pressed snooze a few dozen times) I decided to first shower, then deal with the mess waiting for me in the kitchen. The shower was going all fine and well until I ran out of conditioner. Well, I had a new bottle, but it was in the closet outside the bathroom. Well, I wasn't going to jump out and drip water everywhere, so I figured I'd just use a little spray in conditioner when I got out. So, I rinsed off and turned off the water. I"m towel drying my hair and I reach over and grab my bottle of spray-in conditioner and proceed to spray myself directly in the eye. Not ONLY did I spray myself in the eye, but it wasn't conditioner at all, but hairspray. For anyone who has ever sprayed hairspray directly into your eye -- you know it hurts. I cursed, I ranted, and I rinsed my eye with cold water. My temper was already wearing thin.

I dressed and went to tackle the glass ordeal in the kitchen. Sporting my trusty flip-flops to protect my feet from glass, I picked all the pebbles out of the shattered glass from the dustpan, got all the glass off the kitchen counter, vacuumed ground zero and then some, and swiffer wet-mopped the kitchen floor. Things were starting to come back together. But I forgot one thing. Wet floors and my worn flip flops stick together in about the same way 2 magnets don't, and I found myself on my ass. I laid there for a while considering going crazy, but opted for a few deep breaths and then got up. Then I discovered that my flip flops were dirty and I had left me-tracks all over my just-mopped floor.

Eventually I got everything cleaned and under control, but I was ready to crawl back into bed and stay there for the rest of the day. I was worried that the morning was going to set the pace for the rest of my day, but after that, everything went pretty smoothly. I even got a good deal done at work. I figured out that if I can count 2 groups of samples per day (A group being all samples for one lake from one day), I can have all of my samples thus far done in 13 days. That's actually a lot better than I thought. So that made me fairly happy.

Anyway, I'm going for a bike ride. Till next time, Cheers.

Gett'n my Groove back

So I finally seem to be getting my groove back, and its wonderful. Since I moved here, my desire to do anything musical, artistic, or creative in any way simply went away. Basically, the right side of my brain went on a vacation or hid under a desk or something. I can't really say. Although, I can't exactly blame it since Toledo is hardly inspiring. Although just this week, for the first time in....well...just about a year, I actually felt like doing these things again. And not just in the "I should use it or loose it" sort of way. I want to do these things. Need to from the very center of my being. In the last 2 days I've probably spent 5 hours at the piano and it felt great. I did some story writting over the weekend. And those art supplies are grabbing my attention again. I don't know if its the time of year, the hints of country I've been noticing around here (mainly the cicadas chirp'n away in the evenings), or other ...uh... good things *grins*. Perhaps its just one of those "in due time" sort of things, or a combination, or even something I'm completely missing. All I know is I'm back! Screw you Toledo. I win. Woohoo!

August 4th

They say time heals all wounds. In many cases, this holds true, but there are some situations in which time never seems to pass, the pain in your heart never fading. I learned the hard way that when something horrible happens, never ever look at the calander. Don't even think about the date, because if you do, that date will haunt you for the rest of your life, as if you needed a reminder of that terrible day. You're probably wondering what it is that has launched me into such depressing talk. Well, you see, nine years ago today, at the age of forteen, I spent the better part of the day watching my best friend die.

I awoke early in the morning, probably a bit before eight. It was August, and I had no real reason to crawl out of bed so early, but something about that morning struck me as wrong. I can't recall if I ate breakfast or not, but it was soon after rising that I walked up to the barn to give Judy her morning grain and hay. It was summer, so she enjoyed spending the nights out in the pasture. She had shelter - a three sided shed which was mostly open, and she always seemed to be recluctant to return to the barn during those beautiful summer nights. With a coffee can full of grain and a slab of hay under my arm, I walked out to bid goodmorning to my best friend, eager for one of her velvety pony-nosed kisses. But when I arrived at the fence, she wasn't standing there waiting for me, nickering impatiently for her breakfast. Instead, she was laying up on the hill and showing no signs of getting up. My heart froze with dread. I dropped the grain and hay at the gate and sprinted to her side. She was laying fawn-like, and something was terribly wrong. A huge lump formed in my throat as I wiped the foam from her mouth and chin. I petted her, kissed her, promising I'd be right back, and sprinted to the house. I burst in the front door yelling for my mom to call the vet. With a few more abreviated breathless explainations, I flew back up to Judy's side.

I'll save you all, and myself for that matter, the heart wrenching details. They are simply too horrible to relate, nor do I wish to ruin my keyboard -- I assure you will be already be wet enough. I will simply say that I spent the day with my one of my truest loves: petting her, soothing her, trying to make her as comfortable as possible. I talked to her about anything that came to my mind. I told her of places outside our home that she never saw. We reminised about all the adventures we had. And I told her how much I loved her and that I would miss her. She said she'd miss me back, in that way that a horse and rider simply seem to understand eachother without ever saying a word. And she told me that we'd be apart, but everything would be okay, because we would be together again.

It wasn't until evening when it all came to an end and I was forced to say my final goodbyes to my little indian pony. The vet never showed, never even called. Although, we made it a point to call them -- for the last time. But on this day, not only did my best friend die, but a piece of my heart passed on with her. I can only hope that she carried it on with her. If thats the case, then the never-fading heartache is worthwhile, no matter how much the pain.

Judy, Jujubee, my little indian paint pony -- I miss you dearly.

So that is the story of August 4th, and why it haunts my calendar. I try my best to remember all the great things of our time together instead of the events of this day, but they boil to the surface none the less. I believe that is enough for today. Besides, I am in dire need of a kleenex. But I will leave you with one final poem -- one that I find to be perfect for this story and brings tears to my eyes and lumps to my throat each and every time.

Somewhere...Somewhere in time's Own Space

There must be some sweet pastured place

Where creeks sing on and tall trees grow

Some Paradise where horses go,

For by the love that guides my pen

I know great horses live again.
-Stanley Harrison

August Already?

The fall semester starts up in just a few weeks. Its hard to believe really. Summer has whizzed by like a bat in the night. My summer has certainly gone to the swamps. Not that that's a terrible thing. I've gotten a lot of work done, but haven't taken a whole lot of time for summer fun, which is rather depressing.

The REU program has ended and Jenna has gone home, leaving Dave and I to our own crazy devices in the field. If we don't tip the canoe before the season ends it will be a miracle. This field season has gone suprisingly smoothly. There is generally at least one moment where you're forced to stop and say "Oh #$&@!", but that has yet to happen with this project. Hopefully that luck continues.

Steven was here over the weekend and we checked out a couple of the "local" fairs. It was a good time, and we got to pet a few horse noses, but it was just a bit to warm to be enjoyed fully in my opinion. I can't wait till the end of this month when "our" fairs take place. I very much miss him and home.

I've finally started looking through my samples. Unfortuantly it seems that the counting bit is going to take much longer than I originally anticipated thanks to a native species with a similar larval stage. They're different shapes, which makes it easy, however when they insist on laying on their hinges, looking at their shape is far from easy, let alone speedy. Grr....

Yesterday I decided to play hookey and went swimming at a local quarry with Sarah. Its spring fed, so it was very cool and felt wonderful in the 95+ degree heat. We had a lot of fun and swam a lot, since the quarry is 20 feet deep you either swim, tread water, or drown. So we were quite tired by evening. And after some french bread pizza, we went to Bed Bath & Beyond, which is always a great time. I had no idea they made such a thing as a "pickle pricker." I was very much amused. After that, I finished up the day with a good Mystery Science Theater 3000 movie, which was, of course, hilarious.

Today wasn't nearly as good. I was tired to begin with, and then Dave tried to kill us both. We discovered the hard way that our forced air faucet is actually the natural gas. Having your lab bay fill up with gas tends to give you one hell of a headache and leaves you feeling pretty lousy for the rest of the day.

Hopefully tomorrow is better. At least it is Friday and a payday at that, even if i do have to pay rent, which mostly kills my check. Oh well. Hopefully the awefulness of August 4th doesn't show through too much tomorrow. I'll elaborate more on that later for any of you who have no idea what I'm refering to.

But for now, I'm off to bed.

Sweet water and light laughter till then.

"Nothing is more sacred as the bond between a horse and a rider.... When a horse dies, the memory lives on, because an enormous part of his owner's heart, soul, and their very existence dies also."

- Stephanie M Thorn